i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
