you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
