i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
