atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
