my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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