I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
