NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
