Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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