Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I have tasted many bathrooms
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
