shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize