I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I can't turn off my feet"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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