explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
