brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
