Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize