Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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