Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
