This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
