Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
