miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
