Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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