Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Dicks are not precious.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
