How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
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