i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize