I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
