every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
