But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
