well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
