Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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