I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
