Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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