before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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