So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
