Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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