hell yes lets make some ravioli
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
