it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
