9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
