I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
