actually, I'm a sock model
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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