seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
