in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Dick very happy bro
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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