He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I don't deserve a penis
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
