I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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