It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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