So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Come see our sink grown plant.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
