I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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