I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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