Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I will be naked everywhere
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize