You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
