please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
