Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
