honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
