Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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