Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
