I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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