the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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