Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
