so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
my liver is dry heaving
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize