In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
