I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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