No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You ruined the universe
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
