Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
