Kiss
Puke
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
What drink are we having for lunch?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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