Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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