He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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