p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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