She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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