You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
