you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
