So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I think your dad took our porno
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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