i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
