If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize