No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
my liver is dry heaving
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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