I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
