You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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