Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
