shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Two words: blizzard sex
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
