Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
why do cheetos always look like penises
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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