I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
