Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
