I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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