DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
