How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
They took my balls.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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