Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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