I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
