yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
